Rabu, 10 Juli 2019

?









people pour up their feelings in the different ways,
so this is my way.
it has been happening for a while now.


--

there is a bunch of people who live here,
a billion heartbeats,
they are take a breath,
they are living,
they have their struggles,
and definitely they have feelings.


in a world full of strange things,
we tried so hard to hang in here,
we tried so hard to hold ourselves,
we try.

but oftenly,
people can put you in miserable feeling,
confused feeling,
sad feeling,
upset,
weepy,
unhappy.
with intention or without intention.
just because they want you to be what they want to be.
they do it.
for the sake of their feelings.


but, you know.
those mixed feeling could made someone lost hope,
to make up the situation,
to try to find up a way,
until, they don't hope too much,
and say never cared again,
to ignore the things.


when that time is coming,
the only thing we can do is thank you for the experienced of growing up.


so the notes i want to say is,
do not act up like you are the only person who have a feeling alone in this world,
you are not the only one,
don't put someone in a miserable position,
if you can't be any help,
just be quiet and just stay still,
don't put any burdens.


just..... be wise.
just like what you always say with words.
show me with your action.
i'd be thankful and glad.


--


if you can understand my words,
this is a sad post.
a bit selfish.
and what you can do is just leave it alone.

Rabu, 24 April 2019

saturdry.



16:15.
24/04/2019.









A simple hello and welcome in a short time.
A simple personality.
A wonderful person.
Unpredictable time.

The right person, maybe, in the right time.
There is something that bothering me, regarding this kind of moment.
It will dry or rain?
Or it will be like Saturday, that everyone gonna like it?
I know it will be a hard question to answer.

It's rain from the first time, the skies.
The rain is falling to pouring the dry flowers.
But the dry side of me, has blooming.

---

It was such a surprise that the people I really love is loving me more than I do..
I feel so happy, until I can't explain, but uneasy in the same time.
Should I be glad or hate it?
Such a mixed feeling ever, I never know the answer as well.

Just enjoy my Saturday moment and I won't let it dry.


Jumat, 29 Maret 2019

in this sunny day, something attacks me.





when i cracked up a glass,
i miss the sound that i didn't hear a bit long time,
the sound that i miss all of sudden,
that is the sound of someone's nagging.

it might be weird,
but that is how i felt.

you know,
when you miss someone but you still have uneasy feeling left inside your chest?
you probably can't understand it if we aren't in the same boat.

i just understand,
nagging is not always mean they are angry,
there also a caring feeling when they are angry,
and once again, i just knew it so late.

when she stopped nagging,
i was waiting for it,
but she didn't do it.

is this 'unfortunate story' or 'missing someone killing you slowly' story?

Sabtu, 22 Desember 2018

Jumat, 09 November 2018

randomly perfekt




i will post some pics took by me, from a long time ago.
chill out.
grab your coffee.
and flush it out.
lol.

non-aestethic pics.
not-a-photographer-look-like-pics.
and just me, took randomly.
no technique. just enjoy snapping all the things.





just how many times i said that this store is my favorite? hahaha. seriously, this store is a small one that is not everyone really notice it and the place is near my house. i saw so many 80s and 90s style. there were so many old clothes and band shirts. i bought one and my brother too. took a lot of pic lol too shy to upload it on social media, not really good too.



everyone could realized where is this in a glance. haha, a famous one, from a mall.



this stray cat is from my uni. he keep take a glance at me when i ate in canteen. idk if he sees me as a weird person or he want my food? 


FOR THIS ONE, a friend of mine took this pic for me with my name on it, in front of my husbands' building, JYP Entertainment building. 



i think this was from Eid in 2017. such a great view in early morning.


i haven't have a chance to upload this pic on my IG, because i'm running out of words for the caption lol can i just skip to write the caption session? i think this pic when i still being a college student back then. 


can i skip this pic because too sad to remember. but still upload this. what's wrong with me haha



i often come to this island, because...... just because. i have been there for about... 3 times? this is untung jawa island. not really cool, but if you ride a bicyle and go around the island, you will find some good place to take a moment in silent. 
ps: this island is not too big.


from istiqlal mosque with some of my friends in college.


<3

Rabu, 17 Oktober 2018

without her.






without her,
the room feels so empty,
twas noisy, and now quiet.

without her,
the things quite messed up,
something doesn't feel so right.

without her,
the happiness is not literally mean happy,
only 80%.
cause she is gone.

without her,
the days feel so dark, even though there is a light.

without her,
the distance feel so close yet so far.


//


i don't want to see her even in my dream,
i don't want to meet her in person.

i just want to know what she is up to,
and how is she doing now?
good or bad?
that is all i want to know.

the problem she began, it's too hard to handle.
the mistakes she ever had, it's too hard to forgive.
but that is what human being do, we are not perfect anyway.
missing her in silent and forgive her day by day seems so hard,
but what else can i do?

i hope you always doing good and always in the right path.
find your own happiness.
i will show you the real happiness later.
not in the near future, it took a long time.
wait for me.


ㅡ 17:26  ㅡ 17.10.2018 ㅡ

Jumat, 03 Agustus 2018

friendship.





[this post gonna be a bit emotional]



what is the meaning of friendship?
is that necessary?
i think they will always around as always.
no matter what happen.
that is what i thought.

i thought they will stay forever.
but that is wrong.

i never imagined this before,
i never thought they will really go away and cut down the communications,
they even disappeared.

i never blame them,
i just still wondering what is my fault?
at least give me an explanation,
at least give me a hint,
at least tell me what did i do?

i think our friendship gonna be last forever,
and we won't ever be in this kind of situation,
i think we will always be fine,
but that is all of the thoughts when i never learn something from the past,
when i was an innocent and stupid.

now, losing friends are the real problem for me,
but i think i won't thinking much about it,
people might see i just exaggerating things,
but i do and don't care.

the more i'm thinking about it,
the more i've been blame myself.

the real lesson about this is,
learn how to letting go,
learn how to accept reality,
learn how to accept the things that doesn't happen like what i've been expected,
so many new things i have been learnt.

another important fact is,
losing friends is a part of growing up,
cool, i can count it as a part of growing up from now.

i still have a sense that they are still there,
but we are just didn't meant to be friend in a long term,
and we are being apart, because we have different goals and that is naturally happened.
maybe?

it's okay.
maybe this is my fault for ever do something wrong,
that is how i always said to myself.
not trying to playing as a victim though.

this is the last message i want to drop here,
regarding this topic,
thank you for everything, we had so many good memories,
thank you for ever count me in as your close friend,
if you read this, you might know this is about you,
say hi is okay,
and ignore this is okay as well,
i just want you to know that i really want to know how is your condition now,
thank you and sorry.