dear "my 16 months"

dear "my 16 months"

   Februari 21, 2026       Fajrina.

---

accompanied by the old songs i used to listen to in the old days,

i wrote this whole post as i gain my energy back.



how could i write the title with "16 months" only, when the fact that we used to spend times more than that? because the only time i remembered is only 16 months, the rest of it is only a lesson to be learned.

maybe God wants me to learn this life in a hard way, by sending me a person who never feel enough about what they had. but I feel so GLAD, VERY GLAD THAT GOD HAS TAKEN ME AWAY FROM THAT TYPICAL OF PERSON. 

i know i might be childish in my late 20s, but before i entered my 30, i felt more wise and mature than i ever imagined. i feel so thankful to God for every single thing that has happened to me even after all these sh#ts.

long story short, i would never regret anything, because i believe experience will teach us to survive in this wild world. i just wish you well. so, to close this post in a cool way, this is the end of the story of my 16 months. thank you for everything. thank you for teaching me how to appreciate people more and how to love myself more than i knew before! <3

​

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18:46

18:46

   April 27, 2024       Fajrina.

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To the man who has a strong heart and always tries to look fine all the time, 

(well, actually you can always talk bout everything to me, sad or happy, I would be glad to listen to it)

Satu kata yang ingin ku ucapkan yaitu maaf,

Karena di hari terberatmu, aku hanya bisa menunggu dibalik gawai yang ku gunakan,

Di hari beratmu, aku hanya bisa menangis dari jauh, 

Maaf kalau aku tidak bisa selalu ada disampingmu,

Tapi, akan ku pastikan, aku selalu berusaha untuk selalu ada,

Terlebih lagi, jika pemilik semesta merestui, aku juga ingin selalu memilihmu.

Mungkin ini salah satu ujian yang perlu kita lalui,

Aku melakukan segala upaya untuk berada di sana, 

Tapi segalanya sudah ku coba, 

Namun, memang belum bisa, karena belum direstui,

Ini salah satu hal yang menjadi tamparan keras untukku dan untukmu,

Tapi, untukku, ini bisa jadi teguran untuk hal yang kita dambakan selama ini.

Aku tak peduli dengan produk skincare yang sudah ku gunakan,

Aku akan menangis bersamamu dari sini,

Jangan pernah segan untuk selalu menghubungiku di titik terberatmu.

Maaf ya,

Aku hanya ingin minta maaf karena tak jarang aku merasa tak berguna,

Tapi akan ku usahakan dari sini, 

Mulai sekarang kita harus lalui bersama, ya?

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Rainy and Cotton Fleece.

Rainy and Cotton Fleece.

   November 14, 2021       Fajrina.

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from the very first day,

the rain accompanies us as a witness of our sincerity.

it was hard for me, but weirdly, I accepted it all.

maybe, it will be the last and longest.

in the previous post, i ever asked "will it be dry or rainy?"

never knew both options were the worst.

then, it has happened now.

i lost myself and am still on my way to finding them back.

but the other side of me has turned numb.

it's comfortably numb.

keep the "cotton fleece" with you.

so that i can stay on your mind for a long time.

and it will hurt you.

i hope you will always remember it whenever you wear it.

i hope so.

someday you will realise that all of the things i do for you are the hardest things.

just like what you think that you are the only one in the hardest position.

you can't change your life, glad you didn't take mine forever.

i hope you will always remember me every night.

and i hope you have hope that i will send you a message.

or when you throw some code, i won't give a dang bout it.

because i know you did.

i hope you will always remember that you want to push everyone,

but you end up keeping in touch with everyone,

i hope you remember every sweet side of me every night,

and it will kill your mind.

i hope you'll change for yourself for the purpose of not being a rainbow again,

i hope you understand the meaning of last forever.

you will remember it.

i know, you will.

you'll remember you told a joke to my dad bout something serious.

you will remember it.

you'll remember the fake hope as serious hope.

i hope you will remember and it'll never fade away.

- f

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01:16

01:16

   Desember 17, 2019       Fajrina.

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this time,
just finised ate my food, i know it's too late,
something hits my mind,
oh wait,
not now?

but it won't hear you.

this time,
the question was so absurd,
it was like, do you ever been in a situation that you want to be this and that,
but don't know how to start,
where to start.

i tried to remove all of the sadness,
one by one.

but still....
some pieces are missing.


i ended up,
still wondering.

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beautiful.

beautiful.

   Agustus 29, 2019       Fajrina.

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what is the definition of beautiful?

what is the concept of beautiful?

what is the meaning?

what is the use?

what is it?

beautiful is such a hard words to explain, people might say they know it very well.

but, they don't.
and, come to think of it.
we can really tell it if someone or something is beautiful,
until we experience it by ourselves.
i had seen so many beautiful faces and beautiful soul.
i barely found those two in one person.

a friendly reminder, beautiful is not always in the face.
in my opinion, the most beautiful one is come from the soul.
you can't really beat 'em with that beautiful face of yours.
so, while we are realized it, don't forget about beautiful soul.

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?

?

   Juli 10, 2019       Fajrina.

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people pour up their feelings in the different ways,
so this is my way.
it has been happening for a while now.

--
there is a bunch of people who live here,
a billion heartbeats,
they are take a breath,
they are living,
they have their struggles,
and definitely they have feelings.

in a world full of strange things,
we tried so hard to hang in here,
we tried so hard to hold ourselves,
we try.
but oftenly,
people can put you in miserable feeling,
confused feeling,
sad feeling,
upset,
weepy,
unhappy.
with intention or without intention.
just because they want you to be what they want to be.
they do it.
for the sake of their feelings.

but, you know.
those mixed feeling could made someone lost hope,
to make up the situation,
to try to find up a way,
until, they don't hope too much,
and say never cared again,
to ignore the things.

when that time is coming,
the only thing we can do is thank you for the experienced of growing up.

so the notes i want to say is,
do not act up like you are the only person who have a feeling alone in this world,
you are not the only one,
don't put someone in a miserable position,
if you can't be any help,
just be quiet and just stay still,
don't put any burdens.

just..... be wise.
just like what you always say with words.
show me with your action.
i'd be thankful and glad.

--

if you can understand my words,
this is a sad post.
a bit selfish.
and what you can do is just leave it alone.

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saturdry.

saturdry.

   April 24, 2019       Fajrina.

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16:15.
24/04/2019.

A simple hello and welcome in a short time.
A simple personality.
A wonderful person.
Unpredictable time.

The right person, maybe, in the right time.
There is something that bothering me, regarding this kind of moment.
It will dry or rain?
Or it will be like Saturday, that everyone gonna like it?
I know it will be a hard question to answer.

It's rain from the first time, the skies.
The rain is falling to pouring the dry flowers.
But the dry side of me, has blooming.

---

It was such a surprise that the people I really love is loving me more than I do..
I feel so happy, until I can't explain, but uneasy in the same time.
Should I be glad or hate it?
Such a mixed feeling ever, I never know the answer as well.

Just enjoy my Saturday moment and I won't let it dry.

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